halfbloodhatchling | Duplicity Inbox

[ For his part, Kai is dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, with a leather jacket to attempt to keep him warm. His hair is a little too long to be neat, but it doesn't quite cover his pointed ears. He blinks a moment at the question. ]

...Cold.

What about you?

I don't think Felix would begrudge you use of the couch if you wanted to stay with us to keep warm.

[She leads him into the kitchen, and makes a plate. The meatloaf is glazed in a tomato-based sauce, the mashed potatoes are fluffy and garlicky. She's a good cook, and enjoys doing it.]

And even if you don't accept that offer, we have some spare blankets I can send you back with.

No, it's--

[ Felix probably would, but Kai can't say that as any kind of a complaint. ]

He's paying for a hotel room for me. I can stay warm.

[ He's just irritated by it. ]

You two are doing alright, though?

[Her first instinct is to ask him why he cares. Her second is to simply say they're fine, to stonewall him. Luckily, Ducky's third instinct is more measured.]

We're doing alright for the moment. It's warm here, and we have food to last for a bit. I have more experience making ingredients stretch than Felix realizes. We had some lean times when I was young.

He and I talked, after the park. We're not planning on doing anything demonstrative like that in public again.

Kai knows exactly how much of this is his business, and that's none of it. That won't really keep him from asking.

So instead of nodding and saying that it's good to know, he considers the matter for a moment.

"Any particular reason you decided on that?" He's sure it's not for his sake, sure it's not necessarily something she wants to tell him about at all.

"Because you weren't the only LIER to have a strong negative reaction. Even if it did get Felix back into the good graces of the city if we did that sort of thing again, it's not worth losing the faith of everyone else here. In particular, those who count themselves my friends tore into him more than was tolerable. I hadn't calculated for that."

On some level, there's a resource management sim in the back of Ducky's head. Dignity, reputation with the city, money, time. Everything's calculated just so. But she hadn't expected how her walk through the part with Felix would affect reputation among LIERs. She didn't realize going in, how many people would care.

It's not that Kai disagrees with her, on a fundamental level he does understand that the city has set it up as LIERs against the authority, that there are dangers to trying to switch to the other side. But Kai is not political, hates politics, and will always instead do what he thinks is right. That never includes saving his own skin as the first consideration, although it is somewhere on the list.

"When you set up a situation to make it seem like someone else holds the power, people stop believing you had the power to set up the situation," he says, although it's more of a guess than anything else.

"Did you decide not to do it again, or did Felix?"

"It was mutually agreed upon, but I believe I said it first. He was less comfortable with the whole thing, the entire time we were out. I'm a servant back home; I'm used to certain posturing, acting...not quite submissive, but subservient as part of my duties."

There's other layers to it, too. The part that still gets to her the most is how many people moved to try to help her. How many people cared about her.

There are parts of that answer that Kai isn't surprised by, but none of it reassures him. Not that he's expecting any kind of reassurance.

"Are you going to advise him to end the contract with me, or to not renew it if it comes to that?"

This question visibly surprises her. "No. I don't talk to him about your contract at all. And if he asks...I still don't feel like it's my place."

Kai snorts at that a little. "I'll offer that advice to him myself then." Kai's life is a decent bit easier, having a contract, but he knows it still might not be worth it. He's especially not looking to get other people hurt.

"To be clear, it's not that you'd like him to release your contract or choose not to renew, but that you feel it would be best for him?"

She would be amused if it weren't so frustrating.

"As I understand it, I can go three months without a contract before I'd have to sign one again. I don't like being tied to people, beyond the fact that yeah, he could be held responsible for my actions, or for disciplining me." Felix disciplining Kai would probably be kinder and gentler than the city doing so, but it probably doesn't mean either of them would enjoy it.

"Eventually, you will have to find someone again, if you let this go, though. And Felix is a lot better than many here you could be tied to."

But if he's made up his mind, she knows she's not going to convince him.

"I hope you realize I won't stop worrying about you, even if your contract with Felix ends. It is not merely for his sake that I'm interested in your well-being."

"I hadn't really realized that you were worried about me." Kai's not sure he likes the sound of that, knows people deserve better than that from him. Knows he'd make a lot of stress if anyone worried about him.

"If you want to redeem him in the eyes of the city, he's definitely going to need to cut ties with me."

"Of course I'm worried. Your coping mechanism for being here in the city seems to be raging self-sabotage. And I've seen men take that route before--it's never fun to watch, but I refuse to just look away, either."

There's a pause, a deeper frown. "I suppose even I fell into that trap at one point. The pursuit of justice without any regard for self preservation."

Kai gives her a bit of a look back.

"Just because your method of trying to get along with the city is playing into their expectations in the hope that it will keep them from hurting you doesn't mean that refusing to do that is the same as self-sabotage. Some people don't negotiate with terrorists. I don't cooperate with my captors." At one point he had, and while he's here to tell the story, he's promised himself that he'll never do that again, never grovel for scraps of affection or mercy from people who enjoy hurting him.

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